This is not associated to anything I am studying, just one of the curious things I'm wondering about. This is not related to English; I'm asking just in case some of you might know something.

I read in Zondervan's A History of Christianity that at the rise of Christianity as a replacement of Roman culture, the Romans felt a sense that the world was old and at the end of its age, as the old gods were discarded for a newer one -- in other words, they had this sense that they were watching the end of their civilization.

Was there any art or literature produced during this period? Not Christian ones; that I'm fairly familiar with.

Um, hello. As a peace offering, I bring fanfic of the pointless and smutty variety. : )

Title: What A Difference A Day Makes
Pairing: Xigbar/Demyx
Word Count: 4960
Rating: M
Warning: smut, language
Disclaimer: I only wish I was awesome enough to own these characters; not even the title's mine.

A/N: So I'm pretty much completely new and this is kind of an experiment; please bare with me. Also, I'm apparently a complete idiot when it comes to cuts, so my apologies in advance.
Summery: "I can give you about 27 reasons why you suck right now."

coda-service.livejournal.com/918.html#cutid1

 

Hi everyone,

The HBC's currently working hard on our annual holiday gift suggestion list, and we appreciate all of the interesting entries you've e-mailed us so far. Keep 'em coming!

Don't forget that for each person you tell us you need a gift for, you get extra entry into our book giveaway. More info here.

HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I hope everyone treats you well~!! Don't forget to tell people, yanno!!

I know it's tomorrow, but i figured you'll see it on time this way!

I wanted to surprise you with much more than this, but my bad time management skills fail so hard ;____; I bought the Reverse/Rebirth novel, cause I know how much you like Riku! I haven't managed to get any done, but I've scanned all the pictures!! Lol, even though you're in Japan and probably have the novel yourself ^^;;;

Sorry the quality is bad, new scanner is crap.
 
Kingdom Hearts art by Amano Shiro.
( Riku piccies~ )

"Guhdamwd, I don't know how I manage to fangirl about history this much, but...

William Pitt the Younger. ♥

"Despite the duel, and the mounting pressures that had been responsible for Pitt's outburst in the first place, the prime minister showed a remarkable clarity for business."

Also the fact that he kept having mental/physical break downs due to overwork and stress. Shouldn't be endearing, but totally, totally is (just as I find Lord Treasurer Robert Harley's constant ill-health and recourse to alcohol the most bloody adorable thing--but that's quite a bit earlier, and I digress, really.)

"The key point to make is that in 1797 and 1798, each member of the triumvirate was shouldering an immense burden of work, largely alone. […] The burden had taken its toll of their health and personal relationships. Pitt was seriously ill in May 1798 and Dundas only just recovered from exhaustion.”

“In addition, when the king became ill shortly after the resignation, Pitt promised to never raise the issue again during the king’s life in hopes that by easing his mind on the matter he would help to facilitate his recover.”

I should hate him for the whole union-with-Ireland thing, but he's just so goddamn competent, and there's little on Earth I admire as much as that.

on the off chance you havent been keeping up with the to-dos of my life, well let me tell you about how im putting out a new book next month. NEXT MONTH! this is crazy-talk, chris. well its true. but heres the catch. there will only be 150 of them printed. evar. it will be hardcover and yes, expensive.
but let me tell you how stoked i am on this book. but chris, arent you stoked on all of your books? well, sure. each one is like an illegitimate love-child that i get to share with the world. wait.
anywho, when i meet people and have to have the 'oh, so what do you do?' talk, i say im a writer. to which their immediate response is, "oh, can i have/buy one of your books?" nice that they're interested but i dont really have a book that truly represents the short-story style that im most happy writing.
ok, yes, my first two books (on the upswing, which is sold out and a life deliberate) are that style but they're older and i feel that i am a much better writer than i was back then. dont get me wrong, i love the stories, i just feel that i could have told them better. (but dont let that discourage you from buying one of the last remaining 100 copies of a life deliberate over at deadxstop.com, kisses).
my 3rd book, notes from the deep end is sold out as well, my 4th book, selected works 2004-2008 is awesome and all but its all LJ rants and my newest endeavor, REMNANTS is my proudest yet but i only have one story in the damn thing.
so...
i wanted to write something that i can hand someone without excuses. without having to say, "well, this isnt exactly what i usually do," or, "its sold out," or, "well, this book is like my demo tape."

i cant say the title just yet because i have to make sure i can use this image first because it would work so perfectly with what im looking to do that if the artist wont give me permission im going to change the title of the book. yes, im a nerd. but i will tell you it is 10 stories in the style of my first two books and it will go on pre-sale on my birfday, november 17th.


- and now i will leave you with a video of me running game on some marsupials:

This is something that's been on my mind for ages but hey, I'll finally give it a shot. Was wondering, would any of you be interested in commissions?

I'm predominantly a traditional artist who sometimes mixes digital coloring and...uh. welll adaasdaffff I'll just let some of my stuff speak for itself:




If you're interested, follow the cut!

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/11/sunday-secrets_07.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

















See More Secrets. Follow PostSecret on Twitter.




-----Email Message-----

I met someone who felt the same way, but I remember him more for being strong enough to change. From him I learned that people are more than their mistakes.


-----Email Message-----

Many years ago, an older man that I trusted had inappropriate sexual contact with me. Twelve years of therapy and a suicide attempt later, and I still live with it every day.

A big part of me will forever be defined by the worst thing that ever happened to me.

























-----Email Message-----

I am a prisoner of my own indecision.




Order Your Copy Today






-----Email Message (pic)-----

Title: Je T'aime
Link: Youtube
Pairings: Axel&Roxas
Subtitles: English subtitles, as accurate as possible.
Footage: kh2, re:CoM, 358/2 days (minor non spoiler footage).


Made between last night and this morning, subtitles are as accurate as possible.
Summary: Axel's perspective of the beginnings and endings of his and Roxas's relationship, and how it disintegrated.
For the purposes of better understanding, exams= the trials Axel went through in Chain of Memories; the deceit, the conspiracies and the murders.
When he speaks german-russian-french etc., he's just talking, maybe lying, maybe just not telling Roxas what's going on in Castle Oblivion.
He thinks Castle Oblivion made them distant, he thinks its his fault Roxas left.
For full transcribed text, go: to this lj entry
For clip of the original film this was taken from, go here: Youtube

Title: Hypervigilance (CH Nine 1/2 + Nine 2/2)
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: M
Pairing: Riku/Sora
Genre: Romance, General Angst
Summary: In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are.
Warning; Smut, Language

(No, this silence was strained and tense, pulled tight and raw like piano wire.)

Prev Chapters :  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Adiawjdoiajwdawd.

So I just (very belatedly I know) watched the first episode of Firefly. Three things are going through my mind.

1. Shit. It really is as good as everyone told me.
2. Speaking of which, I can't believe it's cancelled! What the fuck! Why would something this good get cancelled? I've officially joined the ranks of the outraged!
3. Er. Simon/Mal. No, no, I'm seeing things, this is the first episode. But...really...damn, Simon/Mal.

You have no idea how amused/relieved I am to find Simon/Mal does very much exist and that I'm not hallucinating. XD

OH MY GOD I HAVE TO WORK TELL ME TO WORK GUYS. ;_;

In my quest to find accurate dates of former employment for myself, I had to remember a scene in which I wiped my ass with pages from my best-friend's American History book. That was the day I quit, I remember. I drove up Angeles Crest after picking her up, I was sobbing and threatening to throw myself off a mountain. I sobered up and realized I could just quit, because fuck them, and she promptly ripped her history book up because she hated the class and was only taking it because I sorta maybe forced her.

Because I remembered wiping my ass with her history book (I had to pee, so I guess I didn't technically wipe my ass), right before this strange fog settled around us and it started raining, I realized I could check my old grades to find the right semester. Semester uncovered, I cross-checked it with an old livejournal of mine. LO AND BEHOLD WHAT I FOUND THERE:

( WARNING, it starts off like: I hate living. I hate having to do things. )


In conclusion: Was I always this hateful? Am I still? Do I secretly think terrible, homicidal things about you when you think I'm actually nice and friendly and impossibly nerdy despite my huge tits? JK, THEY AREN'T THAT HUGE. But seriously. I was almost shocked to see this from myself. I always manage to forget how truly fucking crazy I used to be. I once took this class in undergrad called THE POWER OF NEGATIVE THINKING. It was nothing like this, but god damn.

Anyway, I'm currently planning to sell my soul to the devil (read: APPLY TO A MINIMUM WAGE JOB, EFFECTIVELY ERASING MY YEARS OF UNDERGRAD AND GRADUATE EDUCATION BECAUSE GOD DAMN I NEED SOME MONEY AND PROSTITUTION IZ HARD), so I need to find out when I worked for that bastion of self-expression when self-expression iz hard: HELLMARK! Sorry, I mean Hallmark. Those bastards fucked up my cuticles and all I had to show for it was some resume experience, a slew of tickets to see my favorite bands, and a beautiful pearl white Nintendo SP (LIMITED EDITION, BITCHES).

Yes, I'm updating at 1:45 a.m. to tell you this. Also, you know that story that I'm writing? SOON, YA'LL. Chapter 15 is in the works. I mean, it's been in the works for two months now, but now it's getting real hot and heavy.

we talked about the old apartment today. me and boo. simple talk about playing video games all night. we laughed until i felt the familiar sting of nostalgia come on. i never saw that place as anything more than a transition hole between where i grew up and where i landed in chicago, yet we lived there together for 6 years.
second floor, above the roaches and drug dealers and addicts. mashed potatoes on the ceiling and vomit on the couches. filthy. but today i missed it.

some day i will look back at these moments lying in this bed as a memorable time. the nights of pizza and video games here will hold warm memories and i will wonder whatever became of so and so despite spending hours talking with them into the early morning hours. i will forget names and faces. people and addresses will slowly fade from my memory and i will be living another chapter.

its sad, really. people rust. they evaporate. they slowly erase. and we wonder what happened. was it our fault or theirs? did we neglect the friendship or did they no longer need what we had to give? the boys, the girls. one day their names will begin with, "you know, whats her name."
its tough when you realize that the nature of relationships is constantly evolving, despite every attempt you make to make it last. to live in love. to freeze people in memory.

the rest of my life will be a continuous series of beginnings. of handshakes and text avoidance.

someone freeze me.

link: Youtube



Idea sprouted from a fic by ronsard, ficlet Here

Though not given explicit insight to everything he does, we can piece together Axel's tale through word of mouth and through his actions. In this video I attempted to illuminate his journey from when Roxas figuratively 'died' up to when Axel 'dies'. It was really mostly to pass this boredom thing I was experiencing by looking at my blank essay paper.

I also know most of you Axel, or really general kh fanatics already know this stuff. Like I said, mostly to pass boredom. A few hours to make. Not an amv.

Relationship to Roxas can be viewed as one of romantic love or platonic love. But realize it's a love that kills...XD *shot*

Here's the last part, guys! And yes, there's a general Roxas/Riku FST coming as well, but that might take a while longer.

Title: Memory’s Skyscraper: August - Tape III (August 24, final/August 27, interrupted)
Author: chesauroshin
Characters/Pairing: Roxas/Riku, Riku->Sora, past Axel/Roxas
Rating: M/NSFW
Summary: “Evidence of the various fights and encounters between Number XIII and the intruder Riku in the area around Memory’s Skyscraper, continuously taped, from first contact to the departure for TwilightTown.” – archivist’s notes
A/N: Many thanks to my beta, wayya. Prequel to the Awakenings (crossover) Verse. Can be read as a standalone, but it is recommended you read Said the Spider to the Fly first. Part three in a series of three.

Tape I   Tape II

The cold of the stairs to the skyscraper, metal digging sharply into his back, and the warmth of Roxas pressed close against him, eyes focused on Riku's face...

Comments and constructive criticism very much appreciated :)

cross-posted

Looking for a little fic posted here a few years ago. I believe it was an Axel/Roxas/Demyx threesome thing involving 2 non-innocent priests and Roxas. I believe it had noncon mature content. Rosary beads as a gag is the feature I remember most.

Posted here like, 3 years ago I think.
Inquiring minds want to know where this fic is.

Okay, so I'm re-reading the script of Trials and Tribulations, and I just. I have no words. So here, instead have a huge long gibber, about how fucking good Gyakuten Saiban/Ace Attorney/Phoenix Wright is, and how T&T has led me to ship everyone everyone everyone and how happy that makes me.

All of my rambles are spoilery for Trial & Tribulations, for about half-way through the last trial, "Bridge to the Turnabout"

• ( Maya & Phoenix )
• ( Phoenix & Iris )
  
• ( Edgeworth; Edgeworth & Phoenix )
• ( Edgeworth & Iris )
• ( Edgeworth & Franziska )
• ( Franziska & Phoenix )
• ( Non-pairing ramblings~ )

The best thing about all of this? I haven't even finished the game yet. ♥

Why can't I just write essays about Phoenix Wright for university? Clearly I'm up to the task.

Here's a li'l something for those insane souls who have taken up the National Novel Writing Month challenge (a.k.a. the completion of a 50,000 word novel in just 30 days). It's a collection of famous authors' Tweets re: your unwieldy undertaking. Some of their tips will surely help you with your writing, the others will simply kill a couple seconds. Either way, they'll prove a temporarily distraction from your writer's block.


@C_Bushnell #NaNoWriMo tip:Use SpiceGirls speak.Instead of "Whaddya want?" say "Tell me what you want,what you really really want" +8 words!


@Steph_Meyer #NaNoWriMo tip: @C_Bushnell: I have one, too!!! Use "oh my god" instead of OMG. +2 words!!!


@JRR_Tolkien #NaNoWriMo tip: My favorite word count cheat? Write a poem in Elvish, then, in the next paragraph, translate it in2 English.


@JimCarroll #NaNoWriMo tip: It's not easy to stay awake and writing for 30 days straight. I recommend crystal meth and frappuccinos.


@AnneFrank #NaNoWriMo tip: Avoid distractions! When I wrote my book, I locked myself in the attic & refused to let any1 in.


@S_Palin #NaNoWriMo MEMOIR tip: My real life sex w/ Todd lasts a minute & a 1/2. To add Xtra words I lie about 4play ;)


@JK_GrrRowling #NaNoWriMo tip: Pacing 1self is 4 muggles. Finish all 50k words by the 15th, leaving plenty o time for sequels & lawsuits.


@Maya_Angelou #NaNoWriMo tip: In 'Aliens from Planet Zyx' I had a character recite the 1st act of Hamlet on a dare. Hella word count bump


@PlaywrightGibson #NaNoWriMo tip: Deaf characters r great. They force other characters 2 constantly repeat themselves, thereby adding words


@TheRealMelville #NaNoWriMo tip: Give a character a peg leg. You'd be surprised how many extra words U can get from sound effects alone!


@$tephenKing #NaNoWriMo tip: The number 1 tip for increasing word count? "Adverbs," he said slowly, succinctly, solemnly.

Over the next few weeks, You Are Here will explore the proto-typical urban center of the US. These articles will relate strategies and constants that are discovered and developed through surveys, interviews and experiments in the Columbus area, a noted test market. Topics will range from how to become a coffee shop regular in 2 weeks, to karaoke-ing with gusto, and plenty in between. Drawing on expertise and opinions from professionals and layman alike, You Are Here will give So and So a better understanding of how to find a better understanding of his city. READ MORE HERE.

Title: Paying Attention to Recent Developments
Though it should be something more like Sora going: "SO IT'S BEEN A YEAR and I am kind of OLDER and you are kind of still HOT did you want to maybe pay attention to these developments."
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts II
Characters/Pairings: Sora/Leon
Rating/Warnings/Spoilers: G, no spoilers
Crit/Feedback: This is just a sketch; I plan to clean it up sometime, so crit is especially welcome towards that end =)

Thumbnail:



Full sketch over on my LJ

oatmeal is disgusting and i hate it and it makes me throw up and i'm angry and work was hell and my eyes are ugly and my hair doesn't look good when it's brown and i swear the mirror in the bathroom cra c ked when i looked into it and i'm freezing and i'm angry angry angry and my skin is turning a gross shade and my eyes look so stupid and i'm stupid and i wish i was the kind of stupid that doesn't think but i think and think and think and why the fuck and i'm addicted to brushing my teeth and today jaybird called me beautiful and why the fuck and does she not realize how stupid and ugly and gross i am and why did i even come back and

that is all

Has anyone read "Year of the Flood"? I am on the fence about taking the time from my regular school work to read it and I am a big fan of her work.

yars revenge:

when atari was in its heyday, yars revenge spearheaded my obsession. it was clean and simple, not jerky and awkward unlike its lost in translation arcade cartridge counterparts like donkey kong, pac-man or frogger. yars revenge was simple yet addicting. your little ship had to eat away at the orange shield all while the little flashing dot was trying to get up in your ass. as simple as pong, as brilliant as snake and almost as hard to advance like ET for atari. the great thing about atari controllers was they were durable as a mofucker and my ass was throwing em like it was my job. say all you want about early video games being aesthetically unappealing, those games were goddamn impossible.




mortal kombat 2:

while the original MK and MK3 were awesome, nothing really sank its claws into me like MK2. this was what spawned my arcade mid-90s revival. sometimes we would have to bring extra shirts because of how much we would sweat while dropping tokens and wanting to strangle the buster who kept doing that damn mileena roll over and over. many nights were wasted and many controllers were broken playing this for the SNES. while one tour last summer i stayed at a friends house. he had an MK2 and when we started playing i immediately got that "imma bite the shit out of this controller" feeling back, so much so i had to put it down and walk away. because it was always the controllers fault. ps. flips were for pussies.




galaga:

the original allowance stealer. this game dominated 80s arcades more than any weed dealing burnout ever could. i remember seeing it for the first time and all the quarters the kids in the iron maiden shirts had lined up along the screen waiting to get "next". it took weeks before i found any down time to sneak in a game. i fell in love so hard that i almost came in my pants when in the winter of 96 my exgf bought me the actual arcade game for my birfday. it still adorns my living room and plays just as well as it did in 1982. sometimes i just sit and stare at it like it is a 200 pound piece of art.




robotron 2084:

you want to know what intensity is, play this fucking game. if the screen shot below is an indicator of how much of mess this game is you have no fucking clue the world of insanity a quarter would buy you in the 80s. no game before or since shreds like this mofucker. none. by time you press start on the game you've got about 18 seconds to slay your way through a never-ending onslaught of robots. its pure fucking anarchy. no skill or tactics are involved because you dont have enough time to even think. by time the phrase, "holy fuck this game is insane" comes out of your mouth the screen is already reading 'game over'. if los crudos and minor threat were a video game, this is what you would mosh dive to.




call of duty:

since the late 70s i have been a boy fixated on video games. i remember when pac-man was the new national obsession, when frogger was cutting edge, when dragons lair was next level, when NHL 93 still had blood, when NBA jam was the jam, when golden eye for N64 made you want to fight your friends, when silent scope was brilliant and when guitar hero made kids never want to play a real guitar again. what im saying is that having been there and played it all, the call of duty series (modern warfare/world at war) is so truly life-enveloping that it feels like you're killing actual nazis. so much so that a rabbi credited it with him getting over his fear of them. modern warfare is the best selling first person game of all time for a reason. and watching fruity get so mad that hes on the verge of tears might be one of the greatest sights of all time.





what are yours?

( +3 )

i used this recipe for italian meatballs and probably should not have used any salt whatsoever. alas. DON'T DO IT. all things considered, it turned out pretty dece although i ended up with way too much spaghetti and i froze the leftover meatballs. c says she has three separate recipes and i need to try her pumpkin pie recipe too (paula deen's, which tastes a lot like cheesecake). i really should have made swedish. other things: i will try to be more disciplined. tonight there was a fantastic poetry reading and i had another moment of "oh yeah, i'm here." the faculty get lovelier every day. how worthy am i? my coat is well-loved (and way more colorful than shown). thanks to target i have a separate coat rack for $8.88. c was dropping us off and there was a quaint row of little houses framed by dark trees and i thought: snowglobe. i can't read fast enough. also: how credit card APR works, monthly? confusing. there's this complicated equation that i really don't feel like using but i can see how people get steeped in mountainous debt. this weekend, t & co. & i are going HORSEBACK RIDING. yes we can and yes we are. also: i feel dumb.

Here's the second (more Rikuish) half of the Riku/Sora FSTs I've made!



download, tracklisting, and explanations at my journal

cross-posted

 Hi all. I'm going to Tennessee for my honeymoon — yeah, you heard me — and I'm finding it surprisingly tricky to find good books set there.

So far I have Davy Crockett's autobiography, Faulkner's <i>Sanctuary</i>, a Mary N Murfree novel...and that's it.  Surely there must be more!

I don't know how much reading we'll actually get done.... but I do like to read up on a place when I'm away.  So any further fiction or non-fic suggestions for the Volunteer State gratefully received...

Title: Across the Doorsill
Rating: K+
Word Count: 5, 052
Warnings: language, and that's all folks.
Summary: I would love to kiss you, but the price of kissing is your life. Akuroku, next life.
Author’s Notes: The title comes from the poem Spring Giddiness, by Rumi.  This is a Halloween-ish fic, a few days late.

(“I never had it in the first place. It’s Halloween tomorrow. Just come out with me. I won’t try to feel you up, or molest you, or do anything remotely dumb in your presence. I just want to kiss you.”)

Title: Hypervigilance (CH Eight 1/2 + Eight 2/2)
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: M
Pairing: Riku/Sora
Genre: Romance, General Angst
Summary: In the uncertain world of adults, Sora and Riku attempt to patch together their shaky relationship after almost 5 years apart. It's about love and hate and lost trust, set in a world where the magic has run dry and the boys see each for who they really are.
Warning; Smut, Language

( When you're an adult, you began to realize all the little things you used to obsess over and build up and place on a pedestal so high above your head are so very small and unimportant. )

Prev Chapters :  1 , 2 , 3 , 4, 5, 6, 7

( +1 )

(i miss. here is spring.) prof said a common theme of my stories so far is setting -- where my characters are, where they're going, where they dream of. i don't know what i am doing with that. i think i obsess but in the end, as hemingway said, as james baldwin alludes to, it's just another country. and yet it's not. today was a lot of things: getting a decent night of sleep, workshop comments from s, trying out my hong kong boots, depositing my paycheck, getting patronized at the staff meeting. the weather right now is chilly but warm in the sun and winter will be a lot of freezing-my-bones and the brittle, brittle trees. already so many leaves have dropped and left skeletons. devotchka: forever's not so long. just six more weeks. what do i want but the wanting?

Hi,

Can anyone recommend any books that might be a nice gift for someone visiting SF. They were inspired to travel there by Armistead Maupin's Tales Of The City series, so that is ruled out.

Thanks

Check out the new HBC update. Here's what's inside:

- We're giving away books by David Foster Wallace, Aleksandar Hemon, Shawna Yang Ryan, Ron Currie Jr., Brian DeLeeuw, and more.
- Tod Goldberg talks about his latest short story collection, the Burn Notice books, and getting a Starbucks in his living room.
- Marie and I check out the adaptations of Brief Interviews with Hideous Men and Where the Wild Things Are
- Merge Records is big enough to have books written about them.
- Books on Chinese politics and Japanese aesthetics.
- Reviews of books by Audrey Niffenegger, Eliot Weinberger, Amanda Eyre Ward, etc.
- Zombies write haiku.
- Lots of other things. Go see for yourselves.


It's also time to start gathering things for our annual holiday gift guide. Send us a list of the people you need to give gifts for, and we'll do our best to suggest a suitable book. Best of all, the more people you tell us about, the more entries you get in this year's book giveaway. More info here.

This was supposed to be posted yesterday as a Halloween gift, but I got, uh, sidetracked by the festivity. What happens in Brooklyn stays in Brooklyn, but let's just say that, you know that Lady GaGa song, Just Dance? My night, in a nutshell. Speaking of which, after months of resistance, I have finally succumbed to GaGa Fever (recent events may have attributed to this). I know, I know, you all envy my ability to be so hip and up with the times.

Yada, yada, you all know this routine. I'm pretty sure no one cares at this point, but WHATEVS I DO WHAT I WANT, DA DA DOO-DOO JUST DANCE.

Title: My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada (10/?)
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: T
Pairings: Axel/Roxas + others
Disclaimer: The Kingdom Hearts franchise and its characters do not belong to me.
Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single high school boy in possession of a good libido, must be in want of a girlfriend—or a pretend one.

( We are proof that the heart is a risky fuel to burn. )

For once, TBC might actually mean something, because I already have a good chunk of the next "chapter" complete. Oh, and if you find that the flow of this chapter is somewhat less smooth than usual, be assured that it has nothing to do with Roxas's state of mind, and everything to do with Jägermeister frying my brain.

Title: Loss
Fandom: KH
Author: RWQ
Pairing: Roxas/Sora
Rating/Warning: PG13 for implied death.
Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off KH.
Summary: “I’ll always be with you.”
A/n: Nostalgia, oh you.

( read here.  )

Someone tell me how to touch down/someone show me which way down is gonna be

I went away for a while. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. You would be surprised at what a little makeup will do; even my boss didn't recognize me at first, and then it didn't matter because a good worker is a good worker and I'm just neurotic enough to make that change a normal, if unexpected, occurrence.

Dyed my hair brown. Started wearing those clothes Alice banned because they make me look frumpy and older than I really am. Stuffed my bra. And then...

Yes. The beta plan, the one where I disappear and probably kill myself.

I gave myself a time limit: November first, Zheyne. The first. If you don't have your shit sorted by then, you're going to die. You're going to move all your money to the joint account, buy a plane ticket to [censored], and die there. Solstice or no solstice, you'll die under the stars.

Since I'm here, writing this, I obviously made headway. Is it all fixed? No. Is it all healing? No. But it's all compartmentalized. I could take you around my brain like a museum. I'm still too afraid to write things or say things, but I know what they are and why I'm afraid.

This means I am pathetically emotional, now that I'm allowing myself to feel again. The world is vibrant, and it hurts my eyes and my soul (or heart, whichever you prefer -- 'heart' seems so temporary, to me, but it all amounts to the same thing depending on how you look at it). People feel too loudly and I want to cover my ears but it wouldn't do any good -- it's not my ears hearing them. I hate people. Well, I hate being around them and I'm something like skittish more often than not. I have lots of new memories in my head/museum/library, and some of them are not so nice; some of them make the little Zheyne inside curl into a ball with her eyes shut tight and her hands over her ears. Little Jane is standing over her, facing out, ready to kick ass if anything comes near -- this construct of my imagination is an interesting image, but at least it's not real. It's just the feeling.

I live in Utah. It shouldn't be like this. This is supposed to be a mild place, right? Except...I think rebellion is incredibly weird here. It's the atmosphere. This place was settled by what we could call 'religious refugees,' all hated for their beliefs; this place is still Mormon Central and it's stifling. And I think rebellion is different here because of that. You can't rebel against the values of (over half of) the Salt Lake community without turning them inside out and mocking the negatives.

I've had to rethink my previous "I'm an addict" thing. There's no question, but I don't think I'm addicted to the drugs. Maybe. I'm not even partial to one; coke is nice. Crystal is better, but harder to charm out of someone. Pills are fun. I'm addicted to the part where I'm invincible and I'm focused and I'm aware and free and psyched to be alive. I'm sure physical addiction is part of it, but when I shut off my feelings, retreat into my own brain, become a robot, I can resist so much better. That state is exhausting and inconvenient but I can use it for a short while, if I don't have any other options. Short meaning a few days. If I go more, suddenly a the world is my science experiment. It's mine to record, mine to play with. It's a colony of ants through glass. I get to learn and watch and sit there with reading glasses perched on my nose, black lab coat on my body, smiling when the subjects do something amusing, but still completely separated from them. I had to, though. And maybe channeling my inner child was therapeutic?

...Fuck, that's messed up. My inner child is a mad scientist with no feelings and an intense interest in human interaction...but an only passive interest in humans themselves. This is probably why a select few have told me I need serious fucking help. Maybe I do.

But mostly, I feel so much I feel nothing at all. I can feel everything and nothing and I never know what's mine and what's yours. At least my inner child has boundaries. She knows she's nothing; therefore, it must all be yours.

But maybe those aren't real boundaries?

I have the weirdest urge to just be...held. It's happened once and I never wanted to do it, but now...I want it to be like that night --

On February 18, 2008, my Axel and I slept together on his bed while Franz Liszt whispered to us through the computer speakers. Slept together, like actually slept for once, where I let someone hold me for the first and last time. It was awkward and scary but I'll never forget it. That date will be burned into my memory forever, I'm sure of it. I think I'd do that again. After this, I'd do it again. This is the urge I have. (It's funny how Liszt is my favorite composer; it really used to be Mozart. After that night, it changed. He has his own song, but that doesn't make a difference.)

He's actually the reason I pulled through; it was Axel and it was music and half the time I don't know why I keep him around. It hurts and he always seems to make things a little clearer in the way that kind of kills all my insides. Most recent example -- I was looking at prices when I got a random text from him:

Owl City; Fireflies. Love you.

And then I felt. Guilty. And I closed my browser. And that song will be forever associated with him, even though he has a Song. Now he has a song, lower case s because it's just like that. A song, and a Song. And a composer, and a myriad of bands, and...

Fuck. Fuck him. He is music. It hurts.

I don't have my own song. But maybe I was never meant to have one? Maybe I was only meant to hear, but never sing. To see, but never possess. Maybe I need to be apart. I dunno. It sucks and I suck and surprise! Just kidding. You all know that.

I'm feeling so much it's like I'm dying.

But guess what?

I'm not dying.

Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly.

Ten stars to anyone who knows what I quoted.

Here's the soundtrack for my Sora/Riku fic Riku, Home. Hope you all like it :)



download, tracklisting, and explanations at my journal :)

cross-posted

alright, i suppose i can make a "proper" update now that ive been home for a couple days.
well first off, let me give you what i flew half way across the world to get for you:



- you would think that now that im home indefinitely i would just be able to chill but nooooo... i leave again on monday to go hang in minneapolis for a few days on bidness. i like hearing, "oh, no, its for business," fall out of my mouth. i sound so official. but i have sent off the first round of edits for the upcoming book so lets keep our fingers crossed that everything goes according to schedule. because if so, i may be able to have a brand new hardcover book in 150 of your paws by the celebration of our lord and savior jesus christ. who was not white.

- soooo last night i went to an S&M party (google it). i expected to see some interesting things; whipping, boobs maybe a little blood. and while all of those components were there i think it was when a dominatrix put her cigarette out on a slaves tongue then spit in his mouth did i know that i may have been in for more than i expected. i wouldnt want to scar too many of you youngin's or ruin a potential story for my next book but lets just say the evening ended right around the time i saw a guy get fisted. and this happened...


*i made two out of three, tyvm.

- i have a handful of amazing cat shirts left. i am too lazy to put them on ebay and i dont know when i will do another batch so if you want one for $15ppd, email me (deadxstop@aol.com), tell me your size and ill let you know if you were quick enough to snag one. ill give you my paypal info but make sure to get my okay before you send the loot, also, i have no more smalls in the 'unbreakable' shirt.


SOLD OUT.

- you should also know that it is officially my birthday month which will culminate on the 17th when the sun will shine, birds will sing and only 150 copies of my upcoming book will go on pre-sale.

My last posting spree was from the town library, and I didn't have to sneak, but I bet a snail could crawl along the cables as fast as the data travels in there =______=



Please thank gold_panner brother #1 for cropping (and naming lol) the pictures, brother #2 for holding down the lid of the crappy scanner, and brother #3 for making gold_panner microwave cake to eat to calm her down about the ruined spine of her book. *loves on my three little monkeys*



Illustrations from Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days: The 14th

by Amano Shiro



( IMAGE HEAVY (duh) )

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/11/sunday-secrets.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.




















See more secrets. Follow PostSecret on Twitter.


















-----Email Message-----
I'm studying Hindi, so that when I meet your parents, I can tell them I love you.















The new book is available from bookstores and online.

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2007/02/wwwhopelinecom.html

-----Email Message-----
Subject: thank you

Frank,

This past Friday night I found myself in a black hole of depression and I didn't know how I was going to make it through the night. Not knowing where to turn and feeling like I couldn't stop. I remembered seeing the Hopeline phone number in the front of your book. I talked with someone there for 2 and a half hours and I truly feel that they saved my life.

Thank you for the book, thank Hopeline for being there, and thank the people that send in their postcards so that others know they are not alone with their secrets.


-Casie (with permission)





Order Your Copy Today



-----Email Message-----
(posted with permission)

Good evening Frank,

I sent you a post card in 2006. I made it on a picture. I liked it a lot. And I guess, so did you, because you posted it that fallowing Sunday. I was excited and happy, until I noticed that YOU HAD CUT OFF HALF OF MY SECRET. Then my excitement and happiness turned into violation and anger... I was so pissed! I didn't know why you had done that! I felt like you had taken my secret, and changed it... and then shown the whole world. I realize now, that you had CUT OFF MY SECRET because it wasn't the 'correct size' of a post card. Which STILL pisses me off, because I have seen a lot of post cards that you have posted, that isn't the "shape" of a fucking post card. But you don't change their wording, or edit them... (or maybe you do.)

Frankly, Frank... I have never, and probably will never sent you another post card again. Because it doesn't feel safe. Because what if you're going to change and alter that one, too? Now I doubt the post cards I see.... if you altered and edited mine, how would I know that you didn't just do the same thing, to some other poor girl, pouring her heart out on a dark night?

Final Kicker: That post card i sent was god themed. It said "Maybe I'll start believeing in G-d..." (and THE PART YOU FUCKING CUT OFF WOULD OF SAID "...Now that I am slowly loosing everything, there seems no better time") I bought your new book... Maybe because I wanted another PS book, or maybe because I was still holding out that I might see my old secret, properly displayed in whole... alas, I was left disappointed that my secret was no where to be found. Anywhere.

So... why am I writing you, 3 years later about a post card you don't remember? I'm not sure. I've started and deleted this same email to you so many times, over the last 3 years. I feel stupid for being this upset over something so silly. That's why I've deleted the past emails...Part of me feels like you deserve to know that you have hurt the feelings of one of your (long time) viewers. I still like Post Secret, I still support you, and I still tell others about this project, but you did take some fire out of my passion. And you did hurt my feelings, and I don't feel safe sharing my secrets with you any more.

But this time Frank, I might just hit the send button...


-----Email Message-----

On this week's post secret there is a picture of a girl with nipple peircings. The strange thing is, that girl looks just like me.. I have straight red hair that color and I am pale and thin just the same. I could send you a picture of myself if you do not understand why I am so upset. Please take it off!!


My Twitter Updates

Can anyone remember where Kundera says, "Every Frenchman is different, all actors are the same," and goes on to describe fame and compare the popularity of a doctor with that of an actor?

Which books is it??

Thanks! x

Title: Freaks and Fools, or The Night of the Not-Kissing Teenagers
Authors: caseyvalhalla and kel_fish
Pairings: Axel/Roxas, Riku/Sora, Leon/Cloud, with enough side pairings to throw a pumpkin at.
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts belongs to SquareEnix, Disney, and others who aren’t Mako or Pilot Fish.
Authors' Note: Some of you may or may not be aware of the fact that Casey and I have been busting our brains cranking out a Halloween-themed fanfic this month. Well, regardless of whether or not you knew, the Mako Shark and I are pleased to inform you that we have finished this beast of a story, clocking in at 32,000+ words written in three coffee-laden weekends. Now we've just gotta get started on that Christmas fic...

Due to the length of this story, Casey and I have decided to post it at our joint ffn account, The Aquarium
Summary: Take a distillation of a classic Halloween cartoon special. Add two spritzes and a zest of John Hughes. Pour in KH characters, shake well, and name after a Smashing Pumpkins song. Enjoy.

Fake cut your way over to the Aquarium--the water's fine!

I don't know if anyone has seen this yet or not, but having experienced it first hand at Anime Detour this year was PHENOMENAL. It's a cosplay skit to You Can't Stop the Beat from Hairspray, and I just found an excellent version of it on YouTube!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0MX6RujDjg

Watch it. :D

A lot of people believe that Sweetest Day is merely an invention by greeting card companies to try and capitalize on those poor schnooks whose girlfriends can’t make it until next February. And this of course comes before the barrage of end of year holidays in which we become so bogged down by goodwill and cheer that it becomes less, well, cheerful a time. Luckily, the brunt of minor holiday worries are over, and you are left unscathed. That doesn’t, however, mean the rest of the year is a snap. On the contrary, there’s inevitably that one gal in the office that insists on getting everyone a card for every minute holiday, from Arbor Day to National Talk Like a Pirate Day. So should you feel like a schmuck for not returning the gesture? Not necessarily. But with the plethora of greeting card options available from purveyors like Hallmark, there’s not always an easy way to tell when to card, when to send an email blast with some holiday-specific witticisms, and when to do nothing at all. READ MORE.

landed in chicago tonight. on the way home i told lindsie that i had never felt so appreciated by one single room as i felt in sydney. the last speaking was so different in every way. there was a podium, i only read and i took questions between stories. i read 6 new stories i havent let more than a handful of people read. i talked about a few subjects that i havent touched upon before and i was surprised at how well they were received. afterward, my friend nat said some amazing words that made me want to run out of the room and cry then everyone in the room signed and framed some words and presented it to me in front of everyone. serious moment. shit was heavy and amazing.
i also recorded the speaking and it will be available for download with the purchase of my upcoming hardcover book in december.

i thought i felt a rant coming on but its 7am and ive been awake since 3am. the next 3 days will be ridiculous as i try to adjust to the time change.

- many things will be up for sale soon. sweatpantsssss?????

- many videos to come.

i will now leave you with a picture of me testing positive for explosives in the sydney airport:



and aggressively massaging my new man-friend:

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/2009/10/sunday-secrets-best-of.html

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people
mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard.

Because of the book tour and PostSecret Events, I was unable to complete the Blog. I have included 20 extra secrets below from April 13, 2008.







-----Email Message-----
i just stopped in to check today's new secrets and saw one of mine that i sent . . . it's nice to see that as we change, our secrets do too.

thanks for the reminder that we are not always who we once were (and for always keeping my secrets safe).













-----Email Message-----
Frank-
I am typing this to you at the library because I cannot afford a postcard and stamp. My family and I are living in a self-storage unit illegally. It's getting so cold at night. I want them to know I'm sorry, it's my fault, but I can't say it.


-----Email Message-----
When my mom kicked my dad out, she joked that he could live in our storage unit. Now he does.


-----Email Message-----
I told them.


-----Email Message-----
Dear Frank,
this past sunday I was with my boyfriend (we are both young christians) after 12:00 and being a postsecret reader I grabbed his laptop to go to the postsecret website. As i typed in the post secret address the computer filled in the url with a pornography website. In my attempt to read other people's secrets, I discovered one of his.

The world works in a funny way sometimes.









See more secrets. Follow PostSecret on Twitter.








The new book is available from bookstores and online.

Thanks for making our secrets #1 on the New York Times Best Seller List.






Updated PostSecret Event Schedule for 2009
(Use the facebook links to RSVP and for more details.)




Western Michigan University, Kalamazoo, MI
11-04-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=54654889989

La Ciudad de las Ideas, Puebla, Mexico
11-07-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=123761684771

University of Texas at Arlington, TX
11-11-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=107083078765

Stetson University, Deland, FL
11-12-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=126952807077

Bradley University, Peoria, IL
11-17-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=132997630852

Southwestern Oklahoma State University, Weatherford, OK
11-19-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=101555234302

University of Scranton, Scranton, PA
11-30-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=129923494471

University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI
12-04-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=107469192412

Changing Hands Bookstore, Tempe, AZ
12-07-09
Call for Details (480) 730-0205

Tattered Cover Bookstore, Denver, CO
12-09-09
Call for Details (800) 833-9327

Penn State Erie, Erie, PA
12-10-09
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=109987144015

Book People, Austin, TX
12-12-09
Call for Details (512) 472-5050


Please give your friends a "heads-up" if I'm coming their way and consider becoming a PostSecret fan on facebook to receive new schools and dates.





Sunday Secrets (April 13, 2008)
















-----Email Message-----
Sent: Monday, April 14, 2008 12:29 AM
Subject: Racing at CVS

Dear Frank,
Just thought I'd share my first secret. When I give communion at mass, I race the priest to see if I can make my line move faster.








-----Email Message-----
Sent: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 9:51 PM
Subject: college dream

Neither my Ivy League degree nor the successful career that followed ever made me happy... The only thing that has worked is taking care of other people -- wondering what would make them happy and doing my best to make it happen.















-----Original Email-----
Sent: Sunday, April 13, 2008 1:59 AM
Subject: UNLV Event

Dear Frank,

You invited us tell our secrets tonight and I was going to go up but then boom, everyone was up there and I didn't get to tell my secret. I thought about it the whole rest of the night and as I drove home with my boyfriend I started to tell him some of my happy secrets than, the one I fear the most.

I cried my eyes out, the type where you can't breathe, he listened and simply held my hand.

It has never felt so refreshing and wonderful to get something off of your chest after almost 15 years.




-----Email Message-----
Sent: Friday, April 18, 2008 7:35 AM
Subject: shaving the pubes

My boyfriend didn't want to have sex with me because I don't shave my pubes. He broke up with me shortly thereafter. We're better off without him.






-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, April 13, 2008 11:32 AM
Subject: littel+bird secret

My mom used to do the same thing when she did my laundry. It's how she got me and my brother to learn how to wash our own clothes!


-----Email Message-----
Sent: Monday, April 14, 2008 8:50 PM
Subject: little bird postcard

it's okay, mom. i got it from your purse anyway. sorry.






-----Email Message-----
Sent: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 3:16 PM
Subject: re: Sunday Secret - "Rainbow Alliance Pride Week"

I feel obligated to take pro-life flyers from groups at school so they won't think (know) I had an Abortion.






-----Email Message-----
Sent: Thursday, April 17, 2008 8:27 PM
Subject: my school painted over our secrets.

I got my first PostSecret book a few weeks ago, and was inspired. A few close friends and I came up with the idea of making a secret wall in the stall of one of the girls bathrooms. It started with about 5 secrets, and within the next few weeks there was about 50. The secrets ranged from crushes to friend problems, and from rape and cutting.

Everyone knew about the secret wall. Today my best friend and I go into the stall to see if there were any new secrets, and all we saw was a large, tan, wall. Our school had painted over the secrets.

Tomorrow i'm starting the wall again.

Chapter 2: Seasalt Icecream Translation Notes

~any suggestions or questions on stuff I didn't explain are always welcome!~

( fails at LJ cuts YET AGAIN )